So This is 40

Last April I hit what I guess you can call a milestone~I turned 40!  How?  When?  But as I am now rounding the end of my 40th year, I am here to say that it’s not that bad!

A year ago as I was getting closer and closer to my 40th birthday, I remember this overwhelming sense of disappointment.  I had envisioned my life much different.  The obvious~ I didn’t think I would be a widow.  I envisioned my 40s the time when my husband and I would have started putting ourselves first again.  I envisioned our calendar filled with sporting events and other extra-curricular activities the kids would have been into at this point.  When I lost my husband we were at such a great point in our marriage.  We no longer fought over petty things.  We were on the same page about every aspect of our marriage and our family.  We had an entire life ahead of us.  We had planned on celebrating our 10th Wedding Anniversary and our 40th Birthdays with a trip to Hawaii.

To celebrate my 40th, I headed to New York City to see Avenue Q.  For those of you not familiar with this Off-Broadway Show~ get familiar with it!  It focuses on a group of people who are in their 20’s trying to figure out life and their purpose in life.  As my dear friend who introduced me to this show said, “You will never look at Sesame Street the same way.”  SO if you are easily offended this is NOT a show for you!  It made me realize that life could be so much worse and it really doesn’t “suck to be” me!

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I am so glad that I started my 40th year off by seeing this show.   So thankful to Avenue Q for bringing perspective back to my life. It is hard some days, I feel I struggle to remember how blessed I am.  I am blessed in SO many ways….

I am blessed with 3 amazing, healthy children.  They are my everything.  They are my reason for living each day and enjoying something each day.

I am blessed with my own business.  Deciding to join Thirty-One was so out of my comfort zone.  But that pink box has changed me and empowered me in ways I never imagined.

I am blessed with a home.  My house is not just a place where my children and I live.  It is our home.  It is messy.  It is disorganized.  It is filled with many laughs.  It is filled with love.  It is beautiful because it is filled with so many memories that make up this blessed life.

I am blessed with my family.  I may not have contact with my blood family but I have amazing in-laws who love me and think of me as their daughter.  They love and adore my children.  And I know that no matter what the future holds, they are my family.  I have amazing friends who are our family.  They have welcomed us into their family.  They love my children like their own as I love their children like my own.  They are my support system and they love me for me.  They are our family.

I am blessed with confidence.  It took me over 1/2 my life to finally believe in myself.  I know I am a good friend.  I know I am a good mom.  I know I am worthy of so many good things.

I am blessed with wisdom.  I know that respect and love are a two-way street.  I have the wisdom to know when I am wrong to say it.  I have the wisdom to know when I am treated wrong, that it is OK to walk away.

This may not be the life I thought I would have in my 40s.  But despite enduring one of the most painful losses of my life, I am so grateful for still being able to see how blessed I am.  So as I near my 41st birthday, I will continue to remind myself of all the blessings I have in my life and how it truly doesn’t “suck to be me”!

WARNING- If you are easily offended, please do not listen to this song!  I just had to share it!

One thought on “So This is 40

  1. Our lives don’t usually go the way we want them to. But you are def blessed with your three children. By the way I loved the video it sucks to be me. Wished I would have watched the whole show. Looks great xoxo

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