The Soundtrack of My Children~ Gracie

Last but certainly not least is Miss Gracie.  Gracie is my girly girl.  She is a combination of both Ella and Hunter. She is probably the one out of all 3 of my kids that is the most easy going.  I think being the 3rd child she really never had a choice.  She will act like she is 5 going on 16 some days. But when she has reached her limit, beware!  As we lovingly call her, don’t mess with the Tiki.

Gracie loves to sing and she loves to dance.  There really isn’t just one song that she gets down to and I am struggling to even remember all of them.  But she will belt out “I Love It” by Icona Pop and this song is so fitting for her.

Gracie was just 15 months old when I lost Ryan.  My last picture of Ryan is with her the day before.  All my children were and still are the reason I keep moving forward.  But during that dark time, she was the one who truly forced me to get out of bed.  I had to still get up with her sometimes in the middle of the night.  She depended on me for everything.  So this song can really go for all 3 of my children but it was the one I would sobbed to rocking her to sleep to remind me that I could get through another day… “In My Daughter’s Eyes” by Martina McBride.

The Soundtrack of My Children~ Hunter

Hunter is now the only male in the house.  Even our fur babies are female. Poor guy! Hunter is very outgoing and loves to make people laugh.  He has his father’s ability to schmooze people and an all or nothing attitude when it comes to anything he does.  But don’t let his tough exterior fool you.  Inside he is extremely sensitive and isn’t afraid to cry (yet).  He still likes to hold my hand and I get more I love you’s from him than my girls.

The first song that popped into my head was “Life is a Highway” by Rascal Flatt’s because of his obsession with the movie CARS.  However the one that truly makes me smile and laugh to the point of almost peeing my pants is “Sexy and I Know It”.  The boy does NOT have his sisters’ talent when it comes to dance.  But it never stops him.

The song that I spent numerous nights rocking him to sleep to was “If I Could” by Celine Dion.  So that is one song that chokes me up every time I hear it.  Every time I hear it, I can see myself with him in the rocking chair.  I miss the moments with each of my children.

The Soundtrack of My Children~Ella

For some reason as I was driving in the car, alone for once, all the songs on the radio made me emotional.  There are certain songs that remind me of my children.  Some are slow and sappy while others are just fun and make me smile.  So I thought it would be a fun way to share with you over the next couple days the songs that make up my soundtrack for my children.  You will quickly learn how different each of my children are and why I am truly blessed.

When I think of Ella so many songs come to mind.  I feel like I think of her more when I hear certain songs.  It definitely isn’t because I favor her more or anything.  It is because it has been her and I for almost 10 years.  We are very similar in many ways and have a special bond which I have blogged about in early posts.

People who do not know Ella immediately would think she is this shy, reserve, quiet girl.  Yes she is but she is absolutely hilarious and can be extremely loud and silly.  So you may be surprised by some of the songs that remind me of her. I am just going to share two songs.  Every time I hear Justin Timberlake’s ” Sexy Back” I immediately smile and Ella pops into my head.  I can see her in our basement dancing around (her dance teachers would be impressed) and singing on the top of her lungs as Ryan would work in his office.  I kid you not that this song comes on almost every time it is just her and I in the car…hmmmmm.

A more sentimental song, for me, is Bruno Mars “Just the Way You Are”.  She is aware that this song makes me think of her and I cry every time I hear it.  As a mother of a girl who struggles to see how amazing she is, this song just sums up what so many people see and feel about Ella.  It makes me sad that she doesn’t always see it.  Yes some of the lyrics obviously are not meant to describe a parent’s feeling about their daughter but the overall message is something every parent wants their daughter to see and believe.

For Good

Having a moment where I am reminded of the blessing of true friendship and how rare it is.  You have friends that come in and out of your life at different times. I have several friends.  I have a lot of acquaintances.  But I have a select few who I let in because I know, without a doubt, they are my friends.  I can count on one hand my close friends.  Some have been with me for 1/2 my life and some within the past few years. They are the ones who know me and accept me for me~flaws and all.  They are the ones I trust without hesitation.  They are the ones who have been with me during happy times as well as the darkest times of my life.  I can be me and they have made me a better person.  They are the ones who build me up and support me.

Am I a different person to the other people in my life~yes and no.  I feel my qualities come through whether or not I am close to someone or not. If I can help someone, I will.  I will not want or expect anything in return.  I am just very cautious about who I let into my life.  I am this way for numerous reason and the no#1 reason is I have been walked on and betrayed by many friends and family since my husband’s death.  My guard is always up.  But I also feel it isn’t about the quantity of friends but the quality.  I treasure every person in my life.  I think they know that and know I don’t take them for granted.

To my handful of friends who are my family~ thank you.  Thank you for being you.  Thank you for your loyalty.  Thank you for your encouragement. Thank you for loving me when I am not so lovable.  Thank you for making me laugh when I want to cry.  Thank you for believing in me when I don’t believe in myself.  Thank you for the endless hours of listening to me.  Thank you for the joy you bring into my life

Bucket List

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I have been hearing, seeing, and even discussing bucket lists a lot lately.  I am not sure if it is because my friends and I are all reaching a certain age and our children are getting older so we are able to start thinking about things we would like to do.  But I am truly enjoying it.  I love to see and talk about what my friends hope to do one day and start to think about what I would like to do as well.  I feel it is good for parents to start to think about things they want to do.  It’s a good example for children to see that we have goals and we are able to reach them.

TOP 3 Things on My Bucket List~

1.  Run in some sort of marathon (not just a 5K)~ been discussing the Princess Marathon in Disney

2.  Be successful and independent

3.  TRAVEL~ I feel this is the heart of my list.  My list is endless with all the places I want to see.

As you can see I don’t necessarily have a long list of things I want to do before I die.  I could make my list more specific with some of the “little” things but, for me, this works best.  For me, it is endless.  This is how I look at my bucket list~ it is a list of things I want to accomplish. And by accomplishing them, my bucket list will grow from the experiences.  I will learn from each experience and what I take away from each of them will help me to continue to grow as a person.  By growing, I will want to experience new things.  And with new things, come new experiences.  And with new experiences, come new personal goals.  And new personal goals make your bucket list grow.

Take a moment and think about your own bucket list.  How do you view it?  Is it specific or is it like mine….continual because of each new experience?  It doesn’t matter how you look at your bucket list.  What matters is you want to keep experiencing life and when you are open to new experiences, your bucket list is endless.

Moms

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Moms are a unique group of women.  We all may come from different backgrounds but we are more similar than we are different. What makes us so similar is our love for our children as well as our daily struggles of being a mom.

Our children are what we base all decisions on in our life.  Whether it is where we decide to send them to school or what neighborhood we live in.  Our children are part of that decision.  The decision to work or not to work and where we work…based on our children.

We want only the best for our children and this causes a lot of sleepless nights, a lot of tears, a lot of fights, and a lot of fears.  We always question ourselves about whether or not we are doing the best job.  Are we too strict or not strict enough?  How do we balance being mom and the yearning to have a close and special relationship with our children?

We all struggle and we all doubt ourselves.  We have one of the toughest jobs in the world but at the same time one of the best.  As moms we have the privilege of raising these little people and helping to shape them into adults.  We need to remember that we are human.  Although our children really do think we have special powers.  We need to support our fellow moms and let them know they are doing the best they can do at that given moment.

Special Memories from Ella

We all know what it feels like to watch your little baby grow more and more independent.  We know how it feels to watch your child struggle and feel absolutely helpless.  We know what it feels like to see your child in pain and how we would do anything to take that pain away.  We know what it feels like to see your child accomplish something they never thought possible.  We know what it feels like to watch your child try to find their way (and get lost at times) through this crazy world.  We know what it feels like to be angry with your child.  We know what it feels like to hideout in the bathroom just to get an extra 2 minutes of peace.  We know what it feels like to cry yourself to sleep because the daily stress and daily worries get to be too much.

Hunter's

Gracie

We will make mistakes.  We will hear “I hate you” and never be fully prepared to hear it.  We will survive the sleepless nights.  We will love our children no matter what they do.  We will be our children’s biggest supporters.  We will be held to a higher standard not by others but by ourselves.  We will save every note, homemade card, picture because they are worth more to us than anything money could buy.  We are moms.