What I have learned…

I have learned so much about myself over the past 4 years but especially the past few days of sharing some of the hardest times I have had so far.

I have learned~

I am strong.

I have 3 amazing kids.

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I loved (still do) an amazing man.

I am human.

I have an amazing support system.

I don’t have all the answers and that’s OK.

People will let you down.

Life is hard.

I make mistakes.

I am enough.

I need to accept help and know it is not a sign of weakness.

I am doing the best I can with what I have at this moment.

I am a good mom.

I can do anything I set my mind to.

It’s OK to let go of people who are not good for you.

It’s OK to still be sad.

I am allowed to cry.

I don’t need everyone’s approval.

I am allowed to be angry.

I still can find joy in my life.

I can still laugh.

I don’t have to be strong for everyone.

I have amazing friends.

I am living but not forgetting.

I had a wonderful marriage and best friend.

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I have so much more ahead of me.

I am blessed.

I may not have wanted this for my life but I am learning as I go through my grief.  I am learning that I am in charge of my life.  I know I am going to get through this and anything else that comes my way.  It may not be today. It may not be a year from now.  But I will get through my grief because I have so much to live for.

8 thoughts on “What I have learned…

  1. I never had the honor of meeting Ryan. I can only imagine how phenomenally proud he would be of you! You are an inspiration. And an incredible gift to all who meet you :). And Ella, Hunter and Gracie are an incredible tribute to him and you.

  2. I don’t get on here much anymore but got to catch up on some of your blog posts today. I’m so amazed with everything you’ve done and continue to do. I think you’re doing a fantastic job wearing all the hats you wear. Sometimes life doesn’t go they way you planned or hoped it would go but while its difficult a strong person moves forward (I understand this on a different level). I look at you with such admiration. None of us mom’s are perfect we do the best we can. I think those 3 beautiful children of yours are very lucky to have such a sweet and caring mom.
    And when you need a glass of wine…drink it. When you want some chocolate…eat it. And if you want to hide in a closet to get away from the kids and pets for 5 minutes…hide!
    So proud to call you my friend for over 20 years
    Love ya!

  3. I can’t imagine what you are going through. Ryan sounds like an amazing man, and I am so very sorry for your loss. This was a lovely piece. While I expect “journalling” these things may be therapeutic for you, I also much imagine these posts help so many others in similar situations when they read this. They may not comment, but they are there. *hugs* ~Michael

    • Thanks so much Michael! That is really why I am sharing…not just for me but for others. I just want people to know they are not alone and they have it in them to get through anything.

  4. I just want you to know how much I appreciate these posts. I am not widowed, but I have a friend who lost her husband a little over a year ago, and she was left a young widow with six small children. I pray that writing these words is helpful to you, as well as to others.

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