I know it’s not good to be envious of others and what they have. We all know that it may not always be what it seems and people only allow you to see certain aspects of their life. So I know this feeling of envy I am feeling toward others is not the best feeling to have. With that being said, I am extremely envious of the lives of some people.
I am very envious of the moms who are the “fun” moms. I used to be fun and now I fight to have the energy to enjoy things with my kids. I used to be the mom who would have something fun to do every week of summer and now the thought of a trip to the zoo seems more like a chore than a fun time.
I am envious of the “laid back” moms. You know the moms where nothing seems to make them lose it. They just have this amazing ability to let things just happen. I’m not sure if I was ever like that but I know I was definitely more laid back than I am now.
I am envious of the intact families. I think this is where I have the most envy. The family fun and trips. The father/daughter dances and father/son tossing the ball. The intact family just hanging out together. The fathers gushing over their little girls after their dance recitals. The fathers helping their sons grow into great young men.
I am envious of the date nights and celebrations of being part of a couple. I am envious of older couples who have stood the test of time and have the privilege of growing old together and watching their children create their own lives and families.
But maybe I am not really envious. Maybe I am just missing my old life and the life that was supposed to be and the mom/woman I used to be. I had it good. My kids had a wonderful family life with two parents that absolutely loved them and adored them as well as one another. Maybe I am just exhausted of trying to be both roles for them. Maybe I am exhausted and feel like I messing them up somehow because of choices I make or the mood I am in.
Maybe I am just being human.