Ahhhhh…..Fall

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Finally I am entering into the first of my favorite seasons…Fall!  There is nothing like waking up to the crisp cool air in the morning to make my day.  And the colors….I LOVE Fall foliage!  LOVE it! Fall just makes me happy.

Leaves change

Football

Sweaters

Boots

Pumpkins

Apples

Crisp air

Hot Coffee

Blankets

Scarves

What is not to love?!??  Happy Fall!!!!

I Simply…

Days are hard being a single parent.  You constantly think about all you do wrong.  You are always struggling with the decisions you make.  You want to make sure you are present for each child yet you are one person and you are human.  In your mind you know your children will appreciate you and everything you have done and will do for them.  You know they will look back and see all the sacrifices you made for them.

As a single parent you make choices every single day alone.  You make choices that ultimately put your needs on the back burner.  You put your children first.  You are not available to give much more to anything or anyone.  You are stretched thin.

Are you trying to be a martyr?

Are you trying to prove you can do it all?

Are you trying to be put on a pedestal?

Are you looking for pity?

Are you looking for approval?

I can only speak for myself but I am not looking for any of the above.  The only thing I am striving to be is the best parent I can be for my children.  I simply want them to know they are loved.  I simply want them to know I have their best interests at heart.  I simply want them to know I am here for them.  I simply want to get through a single day without my frustrations with life getting in the way.

Although I know what I strive for each and every day with my life and being a single parent, I know not every day will be the best day.  I know there may be a stretch of time when everything seems to be pure chaos and I feel like I am failing them.  But single parent or not, this is parenthood.  I simply just want to be what my children need me to be.

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Silence

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There is nothing more beautiful to me than after a long day but the first sound of pure SILENCE.  I am able to think clearly for just a little.  I feel calm.  No one needs me at that moment.  The mommy guilt is not at the forefront of my brain.  The failures of my day are not quite taking over. I actually enjoy a sip of wine just because.

Although my mind doesn’t allow for the silence to last very long, I appreciate the first moments of it.  It is then when I feel everything will be OK.

Little Successes

Homework time is never a dull moment in our house.  By far the most fun person to do homework with is my son.  He knows how to  make homework time the most painful experience next to giving birth.  Add being overtired into the equation and it is just a barrel of laughs!

Tears, yelling, scribbling, looking at words and just saying the first word that comes to mind, and the 10 minute reading per night just makes you want to stick a straw into the wine bottle like a caprisun but you can’t have a drink yet because you have to pick up or drop someone off at an activity.  It is just painful!  I get just as frustrated as he does and I think I would literally bang my head against the table if it wouldn’t completely squash any confidence he had or hurt me in the process!

BUT he surprised me tonight!  He completed his entire homework without me and when I asked him to read the words and make the sounds for his one assignment I almost banged my head from falling over!  The boy got every single word correct and the annunciation of the words blew me away!  Could things be slowly turning around????  Yeah I won’t be holding my breath but I certainly will be taking every night of little successes like this as often as I can!

End Each Day With A Positive

What are some things you think about when you drift off to sleep?

I struggle to fall asleep with a positive thought as my final thought of the day. I think that is really sad. I know there is good in every day but sometimes it gets lost in all the things that went wrong.

So as I get ready to drift off for the day I am trying to come up with a positive. And I think I found more than one~
I got all 3 kids to pull the weeds from the play set area.
I made a complete meal and everyone liked it.
All the laundry is put away.
I packed away one out of three kids’ summer clothes.
I read a chapter in a book (a book!!!!)!
I found a new lunch option for the picky eater.

I’m sure there is more I’m overlooking. But I’m glad these came to mind and took my mind off of the many things I wish I could have changed for the day.

Can you find your positives?

Never Forget

Today is a day where millions of us can stop and remember where we were and what we were doing on a beautiful September 11th morning.

I was teaching and I had just said good-bye to Ryan as he was leaving on a business trip to Las Vegas. Then we were slowly told what had happened. My heart sank when I heard for all who had lost someone they loved in a blink of an eye. My heart sank because I was patiently waiting to hear if Ryan was safe.

I was fortunate that day. He had landed safely in Chicago and would stay there the entire week until flights resumed.

I was fortunate.

So many were not that day. I still can’t watch the footage without completely breaking down. My thoughts are with everyone who was affected that day. We are all changed from that morning. But we will never know how that morning changed your lives.

On this sad day it used to be a joyous day for our family. Today is Ryan’s birthday. And I am will always celebrate it in some way.

I know the quote below is something I always do. I am sure many of the people who lost loved ones this horrific day do the same.

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Oh these two

When you have more than one child they fight but for the most part get along.  When you have more than two children you usually have two who just are at each other all the time and/or they switch partners in crime.  I have two that seem to be at each other ALL THE TIME!

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These two make me crazy!  There is no way around it.  They fight constantly and know how to push each other’s buttons to the point of screaming matches and physical fighting.  I can’t drive home with them without a fight starting or one of them making the other cry.  And you know it’s bad when the queen of moodiness can’t take it either!

They have been like this since the moment we brought Gracie home from the hospital.  Ella was all over her and always wanting to be around her, play with her, and just love her up.  Hunter…yeah he wanted no parts of her.  I couldn’t get him to hold her yet alone touch her.  It was like she was invisible to him or he was just waiting for her to disappear.

I remember when Ella started school and she would be gone all day.  Hunter would miss her terribly and ask for her.  He would complain about not having anyone to play with and would play alone.  I always would remind him how he had Gracie to play with and he would just ignore her. It wasn’t until a year or so that he actually started to play with her.  But he will still choose to play alone than to play with her.

I know deep down they love each other.  I know Hunter would protect her and Gracie would do the same for him.  But man these two really know how to get under each other’s skin and everyone else’s. I hope this phase of not being able to be in the same room, van, or space with each other ends FAST!  The constant bickering is driving me insane!