It has been a crazy few weeks in this house and trying to catch my breath has not been easy. Trying to fit everything in, be where you need to be, working commitments, kids’ activities, household necessities…you know every day life just doesn’t all seem to fit within a 24 hr. period. Then add 3 distinctly different kids into the mix and you have the perfect combination for the perfect storm.
How do you weather the storm?
I don’t think any of us know the answer. But I know many of us know how important it is to get through the storm.
I feel I am in the eye of the storm and until I get a handle on it, I will not get past it.
As a new month begins, a new outlook and new hope to get through this recurring storm within our home.
Each day needs to be a fresh start.
Each day needs to have a focus.
Each day needs to have less yelling and more calmness.
Each day needs to have a positive.
Each day needs the attention.
Each day needs me to be present.
Each day needs forgiveness.
We all need an each day to weather any storm.
I keep telling myself this but I still struggle with it.
I have been struggling with making a decision on whether or not to give my youngest the same opportunity as I did for my oldest. And the same opportunity I denied my middle child. I denied the opportunity to him because, just as the above quote says, I can’t do everything. The difference and why I am struggling with my decision is the commitment factor. I denied a similar opportunity to my son because the commitment level was so involved~ all day events EVERY week in addition to the one evening a week requirement. For my youngest it is simply a one evening commitment. But her temperament can’t handle two evenings in a row doing an activity.
So why do I feel such guilt with knowing it would be a bad decision?
I simply need to face the fact that I am not super woman. I can barely keep up with the everyday things I need to get done. Adding another commitment will seriously add more stress than good. So I need to keep repeating and accepting the above quote. I need to know that saying no to things isn’t going to scar them (I really do know this). I need to know my children are very fortunate to do the things they do and they don’t need to be over-scheduled. It will not benefit them, me, or our family. I need to know “mommy guilt” needs to be squashed and not part of decision-making.
No one can do it all.
We are into the second week of school and the second week of my “Back to School Plan”. I wanted to have something in place to make our mornings as stress free- no mostly fight free- as possible. I, also, wanted a more effective way for “chores” to be accomplished before school. My kids are early risers and so there are some mornings where they literally have over an hour and half until it’s time for us to head to the bus stop. And I learned from the past that once extracurricular activities start, our after school times/evenings are broken up which results in ME doing it.
The plan isn’t this amazing plan that works miracles! There are no cutsie images. I don’t even have a color-coded chart. It is SIMPLE. They each have a mini clip board. I have a list of things they must do before the TV can be turned on (this is the only electronic allowed in the morning). Included on the list is ONE chore. That’s it….ONE chore. It is a simple 5 minute max chore.
Is it working? To a degree. I was hoping I wouldn’t have to remind them (ha!) and I was hoping for continuity. I will settle for what I have seen so far~
Everyone is dressed.
Everyone has eaten breakfast (AND they help each other).
Everyone has their teeth and hair brushed.
Everyone’s bag is packed.
Everyone STILL needs to be reminded of the ONE CHORE.
Baby steps. That is what I keep telling myself. Baby steps.
I have been reminded how our society has an assumption that any decision being made when it comes to home improvements to the purchase of something other than food or clothes, is that a man has the final say.
I have been having some fencing companies come out to give me some estimates on having a fence installed for our sweet Mazy. Besides from the sticker shock, I am shocked at how the question immediately following the pleasantries is always “So what does your husband think….”. I know it is an assumption when you come to a home where it is obvious younger children live and a woman is there during the day for the estimate. But let’s look at today’s society and how it has changed. It is a rare thing anymore to have an intact family or a traditional family.
I have gotten quite used to these questions and depending on my mood (hahaha) or the manner in which the question is brought up affects how I answer it. I know when I say the words “my husband passed away” makes many uncomfortable because they don’t know what to say for numerous reasons. So I usually just refer to Ryan in the present tense especially when it comes to someone who is trying to sell me something. I find when I do say I am a widow, they seem to think I am not very knowledgeable of things. OK I am not but they don’t need to know that!
So I have made it my mission to come across more in charge of decisions being made so the people I deal with don’t assume there is a “man of the house”. I am the man and the woman of the house. So here’s to wearing the pants in the family.