It has been a crazy few weeks in this house and trying to catch my breath has not been easy. Trying to fit everything in, be where you need to be, working commitments, kids’ activities, household necessities…you know every day life just doesn’t all seem to fit within a 24 hr. period. Then add 3 distinctly different kids into the mix and you have the perfect combination for the perfect storm.
How do you weather the storm?
I don’t think any of us know the answer. But I know many of us know how important it is to get through the storm.
I feel I am in the eye of the storm and until I get a handle on it, I will not get past it.
As a new month begins, a new outlook and new hope to get through this recurring storm within our home.
Each day needs to be a fresh start.
Each day needs to have a focus.
Each day needs to have less yelling and more calmness.
Each day needs to have a positive.
Each day needs the attention.
Each day needs me to be present.
Each day needs forgiveness.
We all need an each day to weather any storm.
Days are hard being a single parent. You constantly think about all you do wrong. You are always struggling with the decisions you make. You want to make sure you are present for each child yet you are one person and you are human. In your mind you know your children will appreciate you and everything you have done and will do for them. You know they will look back and see all the sacrifices you made for them.
As a single parent you make choices every single day alone. You make choices that ultimately put your needs on the back burner. You put your children first. You are not available to give much more to anything or anyone. You are stretched thin.
Are you trying to be a martyr?
Are you trying to prove you can do it all?
Are you trying to be put on a pedestal?
Are you looking for pity?
Are you looking for approval?
I can only speak for myself but I am not looking for any of the above. The only thing I am striving to be is the best parent I can be for my children. I simply want them to know they are loved. I simply want them to know I have their best interests at heart. I simply want them to know I am here for them. I simply want to get through a single day without my frustrations with life getting in the way.
Although I know what I strive for each and every day with my life and being a single parent, I know not every day will be the best day. I know there may be a stretch of time when everything seems to be pure chaos and I feel like I am failing them. But single parent or not, this is parenthood. I simply just want to be what my children need me to be.
There is nothing more beautiful to me than after a long day but the first sound of pure SILENCE. I am able to think clearly for just a little. I feel calm. No one needs me at that moment. The mommy guilt is not at the forefront of my brain. The failures of my day are not quite taking over. I actually enjoy a sip of wine just because.
Although my mind doesn’t allow for the silence to last very long, I appreciate the first moments of it. It is then when I feel everything will be OK.
Homework time is never a dull moment in our house. By far the most fun person to do homework with is my son. He knows how to make homework time the most painful experience next to giving birth. Add being overtired into the equation and it is just a barrel of laughs!
Tears, yelling, scribbling, looking at words and just saying the first word that comes to mind, and the 10 minute reading per night just makes you want to stick a straw into the wine bottle like a caprisun but you can’t have a drink yet because you have to pick up or drop someone off at an activity. It is just painful! I get just as frustrated as he does and I think I would literally bang my head against the table if it wouldn’t completely squash any confidence he had or hurt me in the process!
BUT he surprised me tonight! He completed his entire homework without me and when I asked him to read the words and make the sounds for his one assignment I almost banged my head from falling over! The boy got every single word correct and the annunciation of the words blew me away! Could things be slowly turning around???? Yeah I won’t be holding my breath but I certainly will be taking every night of little successes like this as often as I can!
I keep telling myself this but I still struggle with it.
I have been struggling with making a decision on whether or not to give my youngest the same opportunity as I did for my oldest. And the same opportunity I denied my middle child. I denied the opportunity to him because, just as the above quote says, I can’t do everything. The difference and why I am struggling with my decision is the commitment factor. I denied a similar opportunity to my son because the commitment level was so involved~ all day events EVERY week in addition to the one evening a week requirement. For my youngest it is simply a one evening commitment. But her temperament can’t handle two evenings in a row doing an activity.
So why do I feel such guilt with knowing it would be a bad decision?
I simply need to face the fact that I am not super woman. I can barely keep up with the everyday things I need to get done. Adding another commitment will seriously add more stress than good. So I need to keep repeating and accepting the above quote. I need to know that saying no to things isn’t going to scar them (I really do know this). I need to know my children are very fortunate to do the things they do and they don’t need to be over-scheduled. It will not benefit them, me, or our family. I need to know “mommy guilt” needs to be squashed and not part of decision-making.
No one can do it all.
I honestly LOVE this time of year! Finally my Sundays are back to hanging out and watching football all afternoon. I am probably one of the few women who enjoy football season. But it allows me to bond with my son who is obsessed with the sport. His sisters know that Sundays this is what we do and they are good sports about it since he does tend to get the short end of the stick more than they do.
Hunter has started his own football season again and it always amazes me how a child’s mood can completely change when they are doing what they love to do. I see it with all of my children. I enjoy seeing the spark in their eyes and how excited they get to be back into their thing. I ask them every single time after a practice, class, game, etc “Are you having fun?” and once the answer is no, it is time to rethink their choices. So for this point in time all answers are yes which means for this moment in time all is right in their world. Now this can all change tomorrow but for now it is all good.
Our weekend will consist of all things football with the kick off of Hunter’s season with a scrimmage or a “preseason game” as he refers to it. Then it will cap off with watching our family’s team~ the Steelers on Sunday. And the countdown has begun to an unexpected special Mom and Son weekend at the end of the month. After many months, I was able to get 2 tickets to a Steelers home game and him and I will be heading to Heinz Field!!! I think I am more excited than he is to get some time away with just him.
Happy Kick-Off Weekend and our family hopes your family’s team has a great opening game unless you are a Browns fan….hehehe!
The first day of school is always a time of mixed emotions. And I think it is safe to say not just for the kids but for the parents as well. I am trying to find all the positives of this upcoming school year.
~All three will be at one school.
~This will be the only time my girls will be in the same school and Ella’s class will most likely be Gracie’s “buddy class”.
~(**knock on wood**) I see a light shining in Ella’s eyes that has been dim for so many years.
~Bedtime will no longer be a battle.
~Hunter has won the “Most Responsible” Award for being prepared for the start of school.
This list may be short but for our family it is made up of a lot of huge things. I pray every night that my children will find the good in each day. I want them to see how there is good somewhere in everything they do.
Here is to finding good in something each day xoxo